Backyard Safari

I love the warm weather we have been having lately. Though my humans do not like to let me outside, they mumble something about coyotes, dogs, hawks, and cars; I whine and cry until they agree to accompany me in my adventures. I guess supervised fun is better than no fun at all, though sometimes they make me feel like I'm some sort of criminal.

This kitty does not enjoy being watched like a hawk. I like my freedom. We have an acre of property crawling with little critters. This girl wants to get at them. Last I checked, catching a chipmunk is not a crime in Connecticut.

Judging from the sheer number I see running around our property there is no shortage in the population. I believe there should be some sort of prize for trapping and perhaps disposing of the little vermin. I think I should single handedly start the population control that so obviously needs to take place in the chipmunk department. Maybe I can get Tang and Ragamuffin to join me in my quest to control the Connecticut chipmunk population. All we have to do is figure out how to get the humans out of our fur while we are outside.

Feeding time at the zoo

I'm all about a little wet food from time to time. The sound of the can opener brings the saliva to my mouth. Feeding time used to be so much more enjoyable before the little Ragamuffin was around. I had space to enjoy my meal. Now, I'm shoulder to shoulder with my competition. It is a little unnerving.

To make matters worse, little Rags has a most unpleasant odor to him. My humans and the vet attribute this stench to something they call a skunk. I'm not too sure what this "skunk" is, but I must say, I'm currently not very fond of the creature. Anything that can create an odor that lingers as long this musky scent has on the new kitty's fur must be a pawn of the devil.

I have enjoyed watching my humans soak little rags in the indoor rain shower. They even sprayed him with some weird soaps featuring a black and white little furry animal on the can. I hope this situation is resolved soon. I'd like to start enjoying my meals again without an olfactory assault each time the little man tries to eat near me.

Until then, I'm not going to tolerate meals in between Tang and Rags, a cat can only take so much abuse.

Happy Birthday to Tang

Woooo Hoooo, I'm finally 2. The best thing about getting older is all the junk you get wrapped in fun paper and ribbons. Boy I love ribbons, they are almost as fun as crusty mouse toys. Well, it's Cinco de Mayo and you all know how I love to get my drink on. Check you later.

Let's Wrassle!

Hey all, it's Tang here. I have realized this new addition to the household is not too bad. I have always wanted a wrasslin' buddy and now I have finally found one. Fuzzbucket has never been much for physical altercations, something about fur placement and looking good for her fans.

My humans might have gotten something right here. I won't lie, I did think they were off their gourds when they brought this furry trouble maker home last week, but I will admit they may not be as dumb as they look. I look forward to playing with this little menace for a long while.

I finally caught one!

After many weeks stalking them down, I finally succeeded in overtaking a chipmunk. I was so excited with my catch I quickly ran to the front door to give my humans their prize. Little did I know their apparent dislike for such a cute and fun toy.

I thought it was the perfect gift, sweet, cuddly and occasionally squeaky. Everything a person could want. I figured I could sneak it inside and let it go in the house for everyone to enjoy. Judging by the way he races around the house, I bet Ragamuffin would have had a field day with the little chippy.

My human did not seem to appreciate my choice in gift this time. She was actually kind of mad at me. I'm not sure what she is afraid of. A chipmunk is about half the size of her fist, what did she think it could possibly do to her? I just don't understand humans, they don't know a good gift when it come squeaking at their front door.

Crazy kitten in the house

This new crazy kitten in the house is not as welcome as our humans thought it might be. I have been tolerating the intrusion because I see the value in courting a potential vote. Don't get me wrong, if the little fur ball gets too close, I let him know who's boss.

Tang is still scared to death of the little guy. I'm not too sure why, he is about half our size and has a puffy tail. Who can take a fluffy cat seriously? It's like he is a fluffy toy. Maybe Tang will warm up to him soon. I hope so, because I miss my late night trips to the upstairs bathroom. Since the little one arrived, we've had to make the long trek down the 13 steps just to drink and pee. The trip may be helping my waist line, but it sure is killing my hips.

Day two of the menace

So, day two is upon us. I feel this new fuzzy addition is here to stay. Our humans are being quite sneaky. I feel this infiltration of our home might have something to do with our human's inability to pass up cute and fuzzy creatures.

They have blocked us from the upstairs bathroom. I smell wafts of stink permeating from beneath the door. I'm starting to get used to this odor around the house. Sadly, I have to admit, Tang too is getting used to the stink of our new long term friend. He is no longer in hiding.

I was kind of hoping he'd stay terrorized by my new found furry menace so I could easily take over control of the cat house. With Tang quickly back in the picture, I am sad to realize this new addition to our household will not benefit me in anyway in the upcoming election. I actually fear Tang may actually gain a new supporter, Ragamuffin is definitely of the same mentality as Tang, if you get my drift.

What the Punk?

Who is this new menace in our midst? My humans call this new addition to the household Ragamuffin. He is a terror comparable to Tang but perhaps a little more enjoyable. His one saving grace is he actually terrifies Tang to the point of hiding. Come to think of it, I'm kind of liking little Rags for the moment. Any kitty who can keep Tang in a corner can potentially be my friend.

SUGAR!

In honor of the warm weather, I have decided it is appropriate to eat marshmallows every day. My humans disagree with me, they keep throwing around terms like "obesity" and "tooth decay". They need to lighten up. What's wrong with a little sugar everyday? I think they should calm down and let me live my life.

Sushi night

MMMM...the deliciousness of sushi, how I love it. My human was extra nice to us today. She must have felt guilty that she left us alone all day because when she came home she had a special treat for Tang and me. You've got it, tuna sushi. There's nothing better.

We couldn't wait to chow down on our slabs of tuna. Both of us were having a little trouble with the big hunk of meat. Tang actually took his in his mouth and ran around the kitchen and living room for a hot minute. Our human was not too happy about that.


She finally got a clue and helped us out by cutting our fish into nice little cubes. She should know by now, we expect service. How dare she not cut our food into little pieces in the first place? What does she think we are, wild animals? Oh, no...no...no...my friends, there are no saber tooth tigers here. Though the jury is still out on Tang, he does have quite the primitive brain if you ask me, and a bite that sure does smart.

Though we are not wild animals, we definitely are not as refined as some felines I have seen while surfing the web. Check out this crazy cat, her human makes me appreciate the two I have. Jeez.

Winky no more

Thank you to all those who were concerned for my wellbeing yesterday. My winky eye has begun to heal and my vision is returning to normal. Fuzzy needs to get over her anger issues. I think she was just all jazzed up on the mallows. You've seen her with the peeps, she gets crazy. Nothing like a sugar rush to put you in a tailspin. From now on, I'll remember to steer clear of Fuzzy when she is in a mood with a 'tude. One thing I don't need in my life is more drama. I get enough of that from the humans.

You mess with Fuzz and yout get the claws

Look here Kris, you promise me an escape to a land called New York City, where there are vermin hiding in every corner for me to hunt. What were you thinking when you showed up with this poor excuse of a travel bag? Can you even fit a pair of undies in there?

If you are going to make promises, you best be able to deliver. I'm Fuzzbucket, I don't easily forget. I will keep this in mind for your next visit. You know that man you love so much? Keep in mind he's allergic to me.

I swear if you ever pull something like this again, I will blast him with a dander ball that is liable to send him into anaphylactic shock. Hear me now missy, you better bring an epi-pen along with you from now on because Bucket will have her revenge. Check below if you don't believe me.

Tang crossed me on Saturday. He stole my marshmallow when I was promised chocolate-less smores by my humans. Now he has a winky eye. I don't mess around people, I mean business. You mess with Fuzz, you get the claws. I even drew a little blood from him. Just imagine what I could do to your fur-less skin.

Thank you!

Kris said...

Dear Fuzz-bucket,

This is an outrage! You need to call DYFS, or its equivalent in your state, right away. Child neglect is a crime... you could have died for all they care. You could have been pecked to death or swooped down on by one of those intolerable hawks... Or worse yet, you could have come face to face with a wild ugly! Just the thought of the perils you were exposed to makes us want to take you away from the abusive and neglectful home you have the misfortune of inhabiting. Shame on your irresponsible humans. When we are there this weekend, we will leave a space for you in our bag. The option is on the table if you decide to take us up on it.

Good luck in the coming days... Be strong, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thank you Kris for your sympathy. One of my humans has coached me to respond that I do not need your luggage to save me. I have already been saved from the troubled life I was destined to live when one of my humans stopped and ventured into the North Shore Animal League bus parked along the street in Stamford.

According to their coaching, I am truly thankful for the opportunities my humans offer me and would not trade them in for anything. They rescued me from the barking dogs kenneled up in the claustrophobic bus. I am happy with my current situation and wouldn't change it for anything. As for facilities dealing with neglect. I believe I would fall under the SPCA rather than your NJ DYFS, or the CT version, DCF. Really, please contact SPCA in Monroe, CT on my behalf. Just having to deal with Tang on a daily basis should qualify as abuse.

Fuzz is knocking but no one is home

Hello all, sorry for my inability to pry Tang away from the computer the last couple of days. He was insistent on telling his plight. For those who care, he is still crusty and bald, but dealing with his situation pretty well.

As for me, I was doing well with my much needed vacation from the blog until recent events unfolded. The beautiful weather we've been having has allowed me to go out with my humans for long periods of time. Sadly, today was not the best outdoor experience for me.

It all started out well, the chipmunks were scurrying, the birds flying, and the squirrels squirreling, there wasn't even a cloud in the sky. Then my human decided to go inside and left me for a bit by myself. Nothing wrong with that, I'm all about a little independence.

It is what happened next that gets my fur all in a bunch, the phone rang. Normally this small incident would not have bothered me at all, however, shortly after the phone rang my human got in the car and left the property. HELLO! I can't get into the house on my own, I HAVE NO OPPOSABLE THUMBS!!!!

I was forgotten like a piece of trash. The pure neglect was enough to make me want to cry. There Tang was, standing on the other side of the door taunting me with my favorite toys while all I could do was stare back. I've never felt so powerless in my life.

One hour later my humans returned. I made sure I ran to the front door to remind them I existed and needed to be let back inside. I mewed my most pathetic cries to make sure they understood my disappointment in them. They must have gotten the message because they went out and got me my snazzy sailor collar you can see me wearing in the picture posted above.

Next time, we have to make sure it is Tang on the other side of the door. I'm pretty sure if I can get my humans to forget him outside, he would do something stupid and be out of my life forever. That would be the day.

Mange is the Rage?

Listen here Kris, I am not appreciative of your comment below. Mange is NOT the rage and bald patches are definitely not cool! You must have been on the same page as my humans last night. No more than 5 minutes after I finished the blog, my humans attacked me with a buzzing tool of fur destruction.

Tufts of my fur were flying through the air while I struggled to claw my way out of my human's grip. When I was finally freed, I had a naked right front leg. I hope my fur grows back quickly, I feel funny all naked like this.

I'm a little crusty....

Hello all, Tang here. Since Fuzzy has neglected her duties to her loyal followers, I have decided I will keep you abreast of recent events. This weekend our humans left us to fend for ourselves while they went to visit the mini monster humans Chetty-pie (a.k.a. Chester) spoke of back in March.

While the humans were gallivanting across the country, their fuzzy children yearned for some affections back at home. During their disappearance we received correspondence from Chester, and were dismayed to find the affections we have grown to love were being commandeered by our supposed friend. I always knew that furry feline was trouble. Like I always say, you can't trust a cat that lives in a compound, they tend to be shady, scrappy, alley type cats.

To add insult to injury, somehow while our humans were gone I managed to get some sticky substance on the fur of my right front leg. I'm not sure where it came from, but I believe it could potentially be some vestige of the toxic glue from the bridal shower invitation envelopes Fuzzy slaved over the other day. All I do know is I have been licking my leg raw for the past couple of days and have made no progress in the cleansing department.

When our wayward humans finally returned they noticed my plight, and in their defense, they did attempt to rectify the situation. However, I'm sad to admit, since they assisted me by scrubbing my leg with the deliciously scented rose petal kitten shampoo, not much progress has been made in the crusty fur department.

Maybe tomorrow they will listen to my plea and will assist me with some astringent, or at least some goo remover. I see the man with the beard advertise a great product on the glowing window my humans stare at most nights. He swears it removes any gooey product from any material. At this point I'm willing to try anything, short of chewing off my leg, to remove this crud from my fur. Every time I bring it up they throw around meaningless words like carcinogenic and mortality. I don't think they understand the importance of a silky coat. Until next time, Tang.

I think I'm going to be sick

My humans put me to work today. They said if I want to remain flower girl in the upcoming wedding, I had to start helping out. I saw where they were coming from so I acquiesced. Little did I know their task of the day could potentially give me liver cancer in 3 years.

They had me licking envelopes all day for the bridal shower. I don't think a cat's system was designed to handle that amount of toxic glue. To make matters worse, they greased up the back of my neck with a horrific poison they claim will protect me from fleas and ticks. If poisoning me is your way of "protecting" me, you guys have some screws loose! Let's see if I even live to see the wedding at this rate.

Yay, I have a fan...

Thank you "Flag" for posting a comment yesterday! It makes me happy to know people are actually reading my frivolous drivel. Though I have met you before "Flag", and know your real name, I will respect your anonymity. You can never be too careful on the internet these days. By the way, I enjoy your blog very much, kudos. Your writing obviously puts mine to shame, but hey, I'm just a cat.

I have petitioned my humans for a release to this place you call "DC." It sounds like a glorious retreat. Do the mice really roam free? I haven't had many free range mice in my life. My humans tend to steal them away from me before I can devour them. The mice I'm most familiar with come from a plastic box and smell like cat nip. Not too shabby, but nothing compares to a fresh meal.

I am also a huge fan of this torture chamber you have set up for the mice. Do they die a slow painful death? I truly hope so. I most enjoy mice when they squeak and squeal.

I've found they don't like it when you use your claws. I sharpen mine just for that occasion. Tang has mastered walking around the house with them in his mouth. I don't like this method, the mice play dead, mice are no fun playing dead. Dead mice squeak no tales.

A vacation from The Orange Menace can not come soon enough. A break from him might help defer some of the negative publicity our recent snuggle incident spurred. Hopefully my humans will get back to me soon regarding my requested leave. Until then, I will dream of this paradise land of D.C.

Time to get the bikini body...

The trees are budding and the frogs are peeping. All this new outdoor growth and fresh new life have reminded me the bikini season is approaching quickly. It's time I whipped myself into shape. My belly has been hanging quite low to the floor lately.

What's a svelte kitten like myself to do? Well, if you must ask, I have taken to 10 reps of stairs every 12 hours for starters. Later I plan on incorporating sprints, and eventually long runs into my repertoire. I may use Tang as a chasing partner, but right now, I think it's best I leave him out of my plans. It's bad enough I was caught sidling up to him yesterday. I think it would be best if we lay low to minimize the gossip for now.

Here's to a new spring/summer season. I hope I can get in shape in time!

Sometimes you just need a friend...

I have reached an all time low. In a desperate and lonely moment in my life, I participated in an unspeakable act. I am sad to report and very much embarrassed to admit, I have been caught partaking in a snuggle with my arch nemesis, Tang.

There are many excuses I can offer for my actions, but none seem to justify the lewd and corrupt behavior I displayed on this sad day. All I can do, my loyal fans, is offer my sincerest apologies. I assure you that this was a one time occurrence, it was a moment of weakness for which I am extremely sorry.


Since I'm not the most eloquent, I'm going to use excerpts from a speech given by my buddy Elliot Spitzer to get my overall message across.

"Over the next few days I promise to atone for my private failings. The remorse I feel will always be with me. I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me. To all those who believed in what I tried to stand for, I sincerely apologize."

I hope the voters in the upcoming election will be able to overlook this indiscretion. I hope they will be able to recognize my principles are separate and far superior than Tang's, and that this display of weakness will never again be repeated. I am not in bed with the enemy, but sometimes a snuggle is just what you need.

Justice has not been served

I am currently mourning the loss of my feather wand. Seeing that you, my followers are a bunch of just that, followers, I have received no encouragement or suggestions as to how I can pay Tang back. From time to time it would be nice to receive some input. I am just a cat, I don't have all the answers. That is why I keep the comment section open.

As for crusty mouse, he has gone into hiding. I think Tang has found a safe hiding space for him until all this drama passes. He knows he needs to watch his back. If I find that mouse, I will pull each crusty fur out of his back one by one. That will give Tang a taste of his own medicine.

Have you ever smelled Heaven with the feathers?

Attention my followers, I have some bad news. Tang has officially ruined my favorite play toy. My feather wand has been plucked clean. How can he be so disrespectful? I have never messed with his prized possession "crusty mouse."

At first Tang tried to deny his part in the feather wand destruction, but the pictures tell the whole story.

Look at him, so brazenly chomping on the feathers, like he owns them. He makes me sick! I'm going to take crusty mouse and teach Tang a lesson. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I'll make him pay. If anyone has any ideas please post them below.
I hope he chokes on those feathers. That might make this whole situation a little better. I hate Tang.

Sympathy pains

Here I sit writhing in pain, clutching my abdomen with my paws as if it will take away the discomfort and stop the heaving I can't seem to control.

Hello all, I myself am feeling well, however, the same can not be said for one of my human keepers. I am trying to have sympathy and imagine how she must feel, hence my act noted in the picture above. Honestly, I think she is just faking it. I believe she is just looking for a cover story so she has an excuse to play with the water in that water bowl they call a toilet. Boy that water bowl is fun.


Most of the time they save it all for themselves, but periodically they accidentally leave it open and that is when I have my fun. Today was one of those lucky days for me. My human, being in her "sick" state, must have forgotten to close the lid, so it was party time.

Today I was able to test the buoyancy of my various toys. Fuzzy mouse sinks while my rubber ball floats. Maybe later I can lure Tang in and see how he fares. I'm hoping he's a sinker and that I can get the lid to close on him. Oh, that would be the day. Then all I'd have to figure out is how those humans make the water disappear. I'm thinking it has something to do with that silver handle, I'll have to test it out.

Where's my mommy?

Hello all, I have commandeered the blog for the night. I have an issue to discuss, the disappearance of one of my humans. I am not sure where she went, but I did see a dark car with tinted windows come and whisk her away the other day.

I expected her to come home later that night like she usually does, but it has been a couple of days now and I'm starting to worry. Don't get me wrong, I'm liking the extra room in the bed, but in the long run two humans are better than one.

I am feeling slightly neglected in this one human situation I now find myself in. I only get to watch one human get rained on in the bathroom in the morning, only get half the head rubs, and definitely get way less treats. I hope my secondary human makes a safe and speedy return from where ever she has disappeared to. Until then I will maintain my new residence on the lonely pillow on the bed.

I'm feeling a bit heavy today...

So I've been having this periodic pain in my upper back and neck. I'm not 100 % sure of the cause, but I'm guessing it might have something to do with the fact that I have a 10 pound orange menace clamping down on my scruff with jaws of steel multiple times a day. There is little I can do to avoid this major inconvenience and quite painful experience.

Tang is out of control. My humans said the problem would stop when they took him to the vet to "fix" him. I don't know what they fixed, but maybe they mixed him up with some other orange cat, because if anything, he came back more broken than when he went in. He is a mental case.

I say we send him back to the vet and get him fixed all over again. Maybe this time they will spend more time fixing his brain so he's not crazy anymore when we get him back. A girl can hope can't she?

You are getting very sleepy

Look into my eyes, watch me carefully. You are getting very sleepy. Relax your body starting at your toes, feel the stress and anxiety melting away. I will count down from 10 and when I'm done you will be completely under my contro...I mean completely relaxed.

10... wiggle those toes then let them rest...9...tense your calves and release...8...flex your quads and hamstrings feel the stress letting go...7...take a nice deep breath, inhale deeply....6...exhale the bad air...5...close your eyes...4...imagine you are in a meadow...3...picture the field mice dancing around, squeaking, scurrying...2...find one of those field mice and take it in your hand... and now we come to...1...take that mouse by the tail, give it a few quick twirls around your head and bring it to me. Next I want you to go to the pet store and get me a bottle of tuna flakes. Sprinkle those delicious morsels on that dry kibble crap you call "food", I need something to make that stuff palatable.

[internal monologue] hmmm....how can I maximize my benefits from this hypnosis? I know...

Upon waking you will remember nothing of this experience, however, from this point on, every time I jump on your lap you will scratch me behind my ears. Every time I meow, you will go to the cupboard and open me up a fresh can of tuna and if you ever see me sleeping you will hunt for Tang and dispose of him.

Now you will hear me count back up from 1, when I reach 10 you will awaken and have no recollection of this encounter. 1...feel yourself waking up...2...imagine the sun rising in the morning...3...wiggle your fingers and toes...4...5...6...feel your body getting heavier...7...8...picture yourself driving to the store to pick up tuna flakes...9...think about interesting ways to capture and dispose of Tang...10...and you are back.

Thanks for your cooperation ::meow::

A more perfect Cat-house

My fellow Kittizens, it has been brought to my attention that there is some unrest among voters. Many concerns have arisen, questioning my ability to eventually unite this household and build it up to it's full potential. There has even been talk about my pedigree.

I am the daughter of an orange and white tom cat from New Jersey and a black cat from Long Island. I have been raised by two female humans with the help of a hippie human grandmother, a yuppie human aunt, and a real estate selling grandfather. My human parents went to some of the best schools in the nation and I have seen some of the world's poorest nations on the magical glowing window my humans refer to as a "TV". I am sure I have kitty brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and aunts of every color and fur length spread out across the tri-state area, and for as long as I live, I will never forget that in no other house on this Earth is my story even possible.

I am what this establishment needs to better the position of our species in our house. My mixed coloring has no effect on my ability to come through on my promises. Don't look at me as the calico candidate, look at me as the most qualified for the job. Thank you for your time. Fuzzbucket '08.

Goodbye Mr. Abominable, and good riddance!

I'm glad to inform everyone public enemy number 2, Mr. Abominable, has been retired to the attic by the humans for the season. Thank the kitten gods! Besides Tang (public enemy number 1), I have never met a more annoying, loud, or terrifying object in my life.

Why my humans ever brought that thing home is unknown to me. And oh, how my humans loved to torture me with him! I could be sitting on the couch minding my own business, dreaming of chipmunks, cat grass and my inevitable election as the president of this household next November, when I'd be ripped out of my reverie by the horrific sound of howling wind and Yeti screams.

To make matters worse, it sings. Yes, SINGS. Nothing says Merry Cat-mas like a caroling Yeti. Honestly, who invents these things? Humans just make no sense to me. I think I'm going to start designing my own Cat-mas collectible line. If anyone has a connection, drop me a line...I want my own Cat-mas action figures by 2009.

Easter Sunday

Due to the holiday, and the fact that the stupid humans finished all the peeps, I have decided today will be my day of rest. I hope to not bore you with trivial drivel, but decided some of you might want to see a behind the scenes look, the off the camera version of me in my spare, non blogging time. Hope you enjoy.

PEEPS!

Oh it is time for the second most glorious holiday of the year, Peep-ster. In my book, Peep-ster come only second to Cat-mas. Oh, how I love me some peeps, their sugary goodness drives me wild. Their soft interiors leave me wanting more. What a divine concoction of sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, and unpronounceable preservatives!

Tang and I just wish we could have this delicious treat every day of the year. Our fangs might rot out, and we would probably vomit up our kibble on a regular basis, but man...we'd get to get double the pleasure when those peeps came back up. It's like two peeps for the price of one, yummy!

Happy belated birthday...

Hey there Fuzz-to the B. It's me, Chetty-pie. Sorry I totally spaced on your birthday the other day. I totally meant to shoot you a cute hoops and yo-yo hallmark card, but I got a little distracted by the craziness of my current household situation. I mean, I have two little human terrors running around my place grabbing at my floofy tail.


Let me tell you, I used to enjoy my silky long fur. Now, it is totally a disadvantage. With all the extra fluff to catch, I totally get my rump kicked. You haven't felt pain until you have a grubby little human hand tearing out a chunk of tail fur. Man, it's the worst. Besides all that craziness my mom's birthday was yesterday so I had to try my hardest to make her happy.

I spent all day looking in the woods for the perfect little gift for her. I had a baby squirrel cornered for a stint, but he got away when I was distracted by the Tobster. Stupid Toby, he thinks he is so suave. I think he even said he tried to seduce you a while back. He thinks he is the best just because he can use big words. Toblerone is not my type of cat, more trouble than he's worth if you ask me.
Look at Mr. Toblerone there, so relaxed. That's because he lives through the magic door that separates him from the little human monsters with the sticky fingers. I'd like to see what he'd look like if he had to live in my section of the compound. Keep up your relaxing Mr. Tobster. Keep it up. Anyway, happy birthday Fuzzbucket! Hope to see you soon!

Lounging

Today I had a revelation, three is the new two. You heard me right, I'm going to say it again for you...THREE IS THE NEW TWO! I've spent all day lounging, reveling in my new found appreciation for this thing called aging. Getting older really isn't so bad. I even received some special treatment yesterday, I'll always take a little extra loving.

I'm feeling a bit wiser in my old age. I now realize there is no point in wallowing in my own self pity over something as silly as an arbitrary birthday. It's time for me to suck it up, get out there, and enjoy life.

They say it's my birthday....

Boy I wish I were like Tang and could chug down a beer to drown away my many sorrows stemming from this thing called aging. Who invented this getting old idea? My claws and I would like to have a brief word with them.

Let me tell you, my body is starting to fail me. I went to sleep last night able to see a mouse in a dark room 30 feet away. Today I woke up and I swear I'm lucky if I can even see 29 1/2 feet in the dark. My eyes are failing me and I'm sure this is only the beginning. Oh woe is me. I swear my bladder will start going next. I'm sure my humans will love that. Next I'll be living in my own filth only one step up from an alley cat.

Tang has no sympathy for me. He just doesn't get it, flaunting his youth in my face. Showing his spry agility every chance he gets. He drinks like a fish and doesn't gain an ounce...how I loathe him. Look at him over there, drinking a beer for St. Patrick's day, enjoying life with out a care in the world. I swear he is laughing at me behind my back.

Just you wait Tang. Life will catch up with you soon my friend, then we'll see who is laughing. When you're as old as me, we'll see if you are still interested in prancing around as Lepratang without a care in the world. Let me tell you, I doubt it.

One day left of my youth

Alas my fellow followers, today marks the end of my youth. I have already noticed a white fur or two mixed in with my black patches, I swear those hairs were never there before. Bring me to the vet now and put me down, I don't think I can bear this getting old tragedy. I swear my stomach is coming close to hitting the floor. Someone save me.

Lepratang

Top o' the Mornin' to ya! Or shall I say afternoon? Monday is my favorite holiday, where debauchery is accepted and the beer flows freely in the streets. We will ignore the fact that Monday also marks the 3 year birthday of our furry friend, Fuzzbucket. But who cares about that slight fact? I'm more excited about finding a pot of gold than some furry bag of bones getting longer in the tooth. Don't you agree? I mean, a pot of gold sure would buy a load of toys. Sorry Fuzz, but you will definitely take a back seat on Monday for me.

Plumb tuckered out

I'm sorry my loyal fans, I am too tired to blog today. My unemployed human allowed me to run around outside for close to 2 hours. The sun and fresh grass sure did a number on me. I barely had enough energy to steal my favorite dessert from my human. Vanilla ice cream....mmmmm...yummy! Don't get me wrong, I definately stole some. Who can pass up that sweet goodness? Now as I slip into my delightful sugar coma, I hope you all forgive my pure laziness and disregard for your wishes. Have a good night...zzzZZZzzzZZZzzz

Here comes the bride

Here comes the bride, all dressed in white...la-da-de-da-de-de-da-da-da-da. I am so excited to be selected as the flower girl for my human aunt's wedding. I can't wait for the big show. I plan on wearing my fur in a cute little up do and have been searching for the perfect dress. I'm thinking something that brings out the green in my eyes.

This is a great opportunity for me. I figure once I prance down the aisle I will have time to vamp, and perhaps even rally to sway some votes my way for my race for the cat house. Tang may think he is cute with his crazy eyes and disheveled fur, but what he doesn't realize is the just rolled out of bed look is out and extremely inappropriate for a formal wedding.

I can't wait for the wedding. I am practicing my petal shoveling. Who needs opposable thumbs when you have perfected your batting reflexes on Tang's body? This cat is ready to rock. I'm all ready for the church, I'm just going to steer clear of that holy water stuff. I can't stand wet paws.

New York here we come!

Hey all, Tang here. I decided to write the blog to give Bucket a bit of a break. Big news! Today Fuzzbucket and I received our invitation to our human aunt's wedding. We are so excited to go. As you can see, I have taken up yoga to get my body in shape for my tux, it is black tie you know. I call the position pictured above, "Stretching cat." Hopefully my yoga, mixed with a sensible diet (I'm cutting out all the treats) will allow me to cut back on my fat parts. Maybe they will even let me be the ring bearer. Fuzzbucket is vying for the flower girl position. I keep trying to tell her she will crash and burn as flower girl due to the lack of a simple evolutionary trait I like to call opposable thumbs. But hey, I guess the girl can dream. O.K. time to get back to work. My fat isn't going to trim itself, I'll be looking like a kitten again in no time. Until next time.