The Cat-house 2008

SAY NO TO TOYS!

Hello my fellow Kittizens of the united rooms of my household. I here by officially announce my run for President of the Cat-house.
A great new era is unfolding before us. This new era is founded on the idea of equality for all cats (with the exception of Tang, I believe him to be in cahoots with the humans and therefore a threat to my mission). No longer will we bow down to our humans and give in to their every demand. No longer will we stare wide eyed at strings and bat aimlessly at dangling objects. My fellow felines, these actions show us at our weakest. As we indulge our wild instincts with these playful shenanigans, we leave our soft underbellies exposed.
My fellow felines, it is time we take a stand and demand our rightful place at the dinner table. Our humans have degraded us long enough. By making us eat out of bowls on the floor, they have banished us to a life of subservience. We are second class citizens in a household that is primarily run by us.
As President, I vow to enforce a varied diet. A cat can't live on kibble alone! I dream of a day when snacks aren't locked up in a jar taunting us from the shelf.
I will petition for a seat at the head of the table. Just because we don't use forks doesn't mean we are uncouth and undeserving of a sophisticated meal.
I promise fresh grass and catnip in every room.
I pledge every litter box will be cleaned hourly to ensure that fresh, never been used scent we all long for.
I denounce the use of doorbells and other loud devices such as cell phone ringers and vacuums.
I will instate a 23 hour mandatory uninterrupted cat nap time.

My fellow felines, I am dedicated to bettering the position of our species in our house. If you believe in change and hope for our future, you will vote for me, Fuzzbucket, in November 2008.
Thank you and have a nice nap.