Does something smell?

Hey all, Tang here. Fuzzy and my humans are always telling me how bad I smell. Well, I have sniffed around this house and have decided I am not the one with the odor. I believe I smell as wonderful as a cat can smell. I believe it is Fuzzbucket who smells a little funky. She doesn't smell like a cat, she smells like fabric softener. Fuzzbucket's scent might be more agreeable to humans than my natural kitty musk, or as my humans call it "stink", but to a true Tom cat, the smell of Fuzzy is quite repulsive. This olfactory observation brings me to my new campaign slogan for President of the cat house. "In your heart, you know he smells right." Tang 2008.

Now that is what I call a bed...

Tonight I will be brief. I am sleepy and don't have much time to blog. However, I will say my humans bought what I believe is a very large, and amazingly comfy cat bed sometime ago. Tang thought he had dibs on it, but sadly the humans ended up locking it in the basement. I am working up a plan to take over the large cat bed. I have been studying the weaknesses of the basement door and I think if I lose just 1/2 a pound I will be able to sneak my sleek frame under the door. (There is a sizable gap people, I'm not one of those bulimic kitties that chucks up their kibble every chance they get!). Once I'm under I believe I can claim the glorious bed my humans have named the super sac. They say they got it from a place called Costco. I need to visit this store. If the cat bed they bought is any indication, I bet I'd be able to get a 2 pound cat nip mouse. Boy, if they have that I think I might be in love with this thing called warehouse shopping.

Today was the best day of my life

So I believe my humans are starting to see things my way. My prayers were answered this morning when one of my humans locked Tang away in the room they call the office. I had the whole house to myself. I was able to eat in peace, had first choice in which bed I wanted to nap, and had the time of my life teasing Tang from the other side of the door. He was begging me to help him. He was scratching in vain at the bottom of the door frame. I told him he had better stop or else the humans would be quite mad when they returned to find their paint flaked in a pile on the floor. He wouldn't give up his attempts. He was mentioning something about not having a litter box and being left without food in there. He's just weak. I told him what doesn't kill him makes him stronger. I also convinced him he must get into the closet and play in Kristen's wedding dress. He got into the closet, but from the sound of things he got distracted and decided to chew on the trumpet case instead. I still think he should have listened to me and wrecked the wedding dress. Had he wrecked the dress, I think I would have had a stronger case for sending him back to the shelter he came from. Sadly after only 5 hours of peace, one of my humans came home and released him from captivity. Would you believe it, when he was released he actually gave snuggles and kisses to the human. How can he even call himself a cat?!? Hasn't he read the cat code of conduct? When wronged, it is imperative the wronged feline hold a grudge for at least 24 hours. The wronged feline must make their dissension known by leaving wet little messes in places they know their humans are bound to step. The feline must also be aloof and show a turned up tail as often as possible to show their feelings about the situation in question. My fellow feline followers, by disregarding the cat code of conduct Tang has shown a total lack of responsibility to his species. This my friends is why I should be your choice for President of the Cat house. Tang, you just can't trust him. Fuzzbucket '08.

Blogging wears a cat out

My loyal fans, I trust I have kept you entertained up to this point. Let me tell you, I never knew I could possibly acquire this many followers. This blogging gig has been quite the adventure. It requires me to do more than just lay around the house all day. Now I must actually use my brain for more than just plotting the overthrow of Tang. I must say I have greatly improved my typing skills. I thank the wonderful people at Gibbs for standing by the phones, taking my call and taking a chance on a cat when I called to sign up for that computer class.
Sad news folks. I may have some trouble getting updated shots of Tang for future blogs. He has wised up to what I am doing and refuses to allow me to shame him mercilessly on the net. This last attempt shows him hiding his face in shame.
Suck it up Tang. Haven't you ever heard the expression by Brendan Behan, "There is no such thing as bad publicity...except your own obituary." Get over yourself, at least I'm letting you live...for now.

Finishing touches

After being left for dead yesterday, I was not going to let my humans out of my sight. Today I decided we were going to complete the floor renovations in the sun room. I acquired a very comfortable location with an amazing vantage point to supervise the operation.Once my human did my bidding, and was all done vacuuming the bits of junk off the floor. I took one more lap around the room for my final inspection.
Everything looked like it was in perfect order, time to grout. I wasn't afraid to get my paws dirty. In the end all the hard work paid off. Look at the final product. My humans would have never been able to do it with out me.
Next project, a cage for Tang...I think my humans and I can make it happen.

Abandonment....

Today I was so excited. Another weekend had begun without the diabolical sounds of the alarm clock. I was certain my humans and I would have a great time snuggling in front of the glowing magical window, catching up on images they call DVR shows and perhaps starting a cozy fire in the fireplace. To my horror, my humans had other plans in mind. Instead of snuggling in bed for hours, my humans got out early and into the horrific rain storm they call the "shower". I knew immediately something was amiss. I heard them speaking of catching something called a train. I don't know who they think they are, but I've seen them try to catch mice and let me tell you, if trains are anything like mice, I don't think they stand a chance at catching one. After staring out the window for what seemed like an eternity, Tang and I realized we were fending for ourselves today. We checked our food situation, the rations left by our humans seemed pretty scarce. Luckily I had saved some delicious grass just for an occasion like this.
After hour 11 of our abandonment the pain of hunger, and sheer disappointment in my humans had worn me down. I was beside myself, how could they do this to me? How am I supposed to go on from here? Without snuggles, treats and head rubs, life isn't worth living. Oh woe is me.

Just when I though all hope was lost, and that my humans had forgotten me forever, I heard a familiar sound. What is that you might ask? It was tires coming down the driveway. At last, my humans had returned. Thank goodness, I was afraid I was going to have to eat Tang to survive.

Tang's blog....

I have commandeered Fuzzbucket's computer for the night. Fuzzy has preached about my flaws and short comings lately. But my fellow friends and felines, I implore you hear my side of the story. I too am running for President of the "Cat house". Unlike Fuzzbucket's stance, I do not preach for separation of cats and humans. I believe we are all equals. I stand for equal snuggles, kisses, and treats for cats and humans alike. Yes I have an affinity for beer and the occasional glass of wine, but please, what hot blooded American does not?My fellow furry and hairless friends. I beseech you consider me as a voice of progress and change for the future of the Cat-house 2008. Our future depends on it. Tang 2008.

Home Improvements Day 4

::GRUMBLE:: Day four of home improvements is upon us. Let me tell you, this supervisor position is starting to wear me out. Luckily for me, one of my humans didn't leave for the entire day today. This allowed me to put her to work.
My human was very productive. I inspected the final product and I have to say, my humans did a pretty good job for beginners. I even was able to put Tang to work stamping down the new tile. We don't call him fat boy for nothing.
Time for relaxation. I'm going to give my humans off for the next couple of days. Then it's time for the grout.

Home Improvement day 3

Not much to say today folks, day 3 of home improvements going on here. We seem to be falling a little behind schedule, it may be because I tend to sleep during ideal working hours. Lets ignore that slight fact though shall we? Look at what we've completed so far. Check in with you all tomorrow. For now it's time to sit back and relax in front of the fire.

Day two of home improvements...

My humans have been very productive this week. Today they finished another quarter of the room. I have been a major help, I am an expert in tile laying.
The best part about supervising this operation is I have the option to sit back and relax on the couch. I can command my humans to do what I need by simply yelling at them.
Time to get some rest for another day of hard work. If only Tang would leave me alone so I could relax.

Home Improvements

Today I convinced my humans their sun room was in dire need of an upgrade. They were being lazy, and were complaining of something I'm not familiar with called cramps. I assured them they were being wimps. With my help and new found expertise in the art of tiling, we would get some much needed work done. I sent my humans to The Home Depot to get me the supplies. When they came home I instructed them to rip up all the old tile and clean up the mess.
I taught my humans how to pick the tiles. I like to sit on them first to make sure all the surfaces have the same texture.
Once I had the tiles picked, I placed them neatly in rows with spacers between them. This one is a little crooked, let me just push it in place...there we go, perfect line.After a hard day of working, this is what we have to show for our efforts. I see this is going to be a week long project, but I'm glad they finally started getting their acts together.After all that supervising and tile adhesive sniffing, it's time for a much deserved nap.

Are you ready for some Football?!?

Hello my fellow football fans, today is going to be an exciting day. I have secured my position on the couch, collected my favorite munchies, and am ready to watch some people get JACKED-UP. I am not one to meow for any particular team, I really could care less about the game. I just like to watch the pure violence, it gives me great ideas for new moves against Tang. I do think the human they call Tom Brady is quite adorable. If he were a member of my species, and if I wasn't spayed, I'd want to have his kittens. Back to watching the carnage. Have a good Sunday everyone! Sit back, relax and clean those hard to lick places!

Oh happy day!

My loyal followers, I have glorious news to share with you! Today I believe I won the battle against the alarm clock. For the first time in a long while my day was not jump-started by the shrill shrieking of the machine. To add to the bonus, my humans have not yet abandoned me for the day. I was even able to convince them to scratch behind my ears and rub my stomach for over an hour this morning. It's amazing how easy it is to command them to do your bidding. Never underestimate the power of dilated pupils and a few head butts. This pampering is something I can get used to. I hope every day can be like this from now on. I like these things called weekends, I wish they were everyday. I feel like I'm a little kitten again, spending the days with my humans while sleeping with my teddy bears.Those were the days. I was the only cat in the household. I ran the place. I had first pick of the food and no competition for snuggle space. Oh how I miss those phenomenal days of yesteryear. Now I share my space with the messy, stinky, annoying Tang. Ever since he stepped into my house, life as I knew it changed. His sickening adorableness has been encroaching on my lifestyle since day one.One day perhaps my prayers will be answered and I will forever be rid of him. Until then, I will have to just up my cuteness game...here
tang, how about trying this pose on for size?

I concede...

I'm not one to readily admit defeat, but alas, it seems my prayers will not be answered on this issue. Today was day three of my terrible ordeal. I believe the alarm clock is here to stay. Sadly I must admit my body is starting to deal with my sleeplessness. Today I actually saw two and a half hours of daylight, and I must say Tang and the humans might not have been totally wrong. I now realize I have been missing some very interesting things by sleeping most of the day. Did you know that there are huge ugly birds who think they can just hang out in MY backyard? I think I heard my humans refer to them as "wild turkeys" I will call them "wild uglies" because man, I haven't seen anything like them before. If my humans only allowed me to go outside alone...I'd sharpen my claws on Mr. Ugly's face. How dare he parade in front of me! Doesn't he know I have a weakness for feathers? But let's get away from my desire to slice and dice the turkey...I mean the ugly. I have now decided I will start using this early to rise mentality work in my favor. I will start to use my extra time to build my campaign to win the presidency of the cat house. Tang won't even know what hit him! Remember kids, vote Fuzzbucket in 2008.

Will it ever stop?

Day 2 of interrupted sleep. The bags are forming under my eyes. I believe Tang is helping the humans ruin my life, why else would he not follow my command to chew the power source to that putrid contraption? Here I sit, an empty shell of my former self, fur long over due for a preening while Tang is chipper and full of

life. How does that boy get by with such little sleep? Tang claims it's his new exercise regime that gives him all his energy. I think it's all the cat nip he sniffs.
Look at him over there, practicing his football skills, as if he even has a chance of making a team. He makes me sick.
Now it's time to get back to what was so heartlessly robbed from me earlier today.
Remember, there is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

My loyal followers, I trust the day has treated you well. My day would have been more enjoyable if not for the detestable human invention I have heard my humans refer to as an "alarm clock". What imbecile came up with this idea?!? All I know is I was minding my own business, nestled warmly under the covers between my two human captors, deep in a glorious dream filled with piles of cat nip and hundreds of chipmunks running around for me to chase, when the most hideous cacophony blared out from beyond our reach. I was ripped from my slumber, my covers stripped off of me, and was practically squashed by my humans. What torture this machine can instill. I was only in hour 22 of my siesta. Why do humans consistently do this to themselves? Once my fur settled down from the shock, and I licked myself back into a calm zen-like state, the sound returned, forcing my tail to poof, claws to splay and hair to stand on end but once again. What is this snooze button and how can it be annihilated? Needless to say this horrific start to my day set me back big time. I was forced to squeeze all my eating, drinking, toileting, dust-ball chasing, and bird watching into 45 min today to make up for my lost 15 mins of sleep this morning. I wonder how to avoid this situation tomorrow....hmmm....Tang has an affinity for chewing on wires, maybe I can use his blatant stupidity in my favor....something to ponder, but for now ::yawn:: sleep.

Is it time for an intervention?

It has come to my attention my nemesis Tang is weaker than I previously suspected. This bodes well for my campaign for the Presidency of the Cat-house. Not only does he engage in questionable behavior with my humans, but I now have proof he also hits the bottle, and on a regular basis. We won't even get into how often he has been getting into the nip lately.

Exhibit A
Here you see a picture of Tang engaging in an activity I call, double pawing. This is just the beginning. Later that evening I found Tang in a different part of the house indulging in a little nectar of the gods.

Exhibit B

Of course all this imbibing lead to questionable fashion taste which leads us to...

Exhibit C

My fellow Kitizens, is this the kind of leader you would want ruling over your house? No I say! In November, remember to vote Fuzzbucket for president. Say no to Alcoholic, nip hitting Presidential candidates with questionable fashion sense. Fuzzbucket '08.

The Cat-house 2008

SAY NO TO TOYS!

Hello my fellow Kittizens of the united rooms of my household. I here by officially announce my run for President of the Cat-house.
A great new era is unfolding before us. This new era is founded on the idea of equality for all cats (with the exception of Tang, I believe him to be in cahoots with the humans and therefore a threat to my mission). No longer will we bow down to our humans and give in to their every demand. No longer will we stare wide eyed at strings and bat aimlessly at dangling objects. My fellow felines, these actions show us at our weakest. As we indulge our wild instincts with these playful shenanigans, we leave our soft underbellies exposed.
My fellow felines, it is time we take a stand and demand our rightful place at the dinner table. Our humans have degraded us long enough. By making us eat out of bowls on the floor, they have banished us to a life of subservience. We are second class citizens in a household that is primarily run by us.
As President, I vow to enforce a varied diet. A cat can't live on kibble alone! I dream of a day when snacks aren't locked up in a jar taunting us from the shelf.
I will petition for a seat at the head of the table. Just because we don't use forks doesn't mean we are uncouth and undeserving of a sophisticated meal.
I promise fresh grass and catnip in every room.
I pledge every litter box will be cleaned hourly to ensure that fresh, never been used scent we all long for.
I denounce the use of doorbells and other loud devices such as cell phone ringers and vacuums.
I will instate a 23 hour mandatory uninterrupted cat nap time.

My fellow felines, I am dedicated to bettering the position of our species in our house. If you believe in change and hope for our future, you will vote for me, Fuzzbucket, in November 2008.
Thank you and have a nice nap.

Here I sit broken hearted....

Alas, the best time of the year has come to an end. What time is that you might ask? Tang and I refer to it as Catmas. Our humans each year set up a huge tree in our honor and hang hundreds of our favorite toys from it's branches, oh how I love those toys. I heard my human say some of them have been in our family for years. Imagine, my humans are so generous they offer me some of their most prized possessions. I know how much my humans love seeing me play with them because they get so excited. They offer me the salutations I hear so often such as "STOP!" "Don't chew that!" and "NO CLAWS!" I've learned these are code words humans use to engage you in a game of tag. I obviously know this because every time they shout them, they start to chase me. Boy do I love tag. I make sure I entice my humans to play with me at least 3 times a night, they need to get away from the glowing fake window they constantly stare at. Well, I have to get one of my humans moving, they have been staring at the glowing window for hours...I don't see what is so exciting about watching humans in black robes judging people while wielding hammers, who is this Judge Judy anyway, and how can I possess her power? I will have to enlighten my human to the exciting job of making sure no mice squeeze into the house. Staring at the same hole in the wall for hours, now that is what I call excitement.