Are there no reputable, successful cats out there anymore? I go away for the weekend and all I come home to are messages left by alley cats and scaredy cats?!? What is this world coming to? What this poor showing in viable dating candidates proves to me is the feline race needs a new strong leader.
I reiterate for you my fellow furry friends, I am the answer to all your dreams. I promise to help the scaredy cats of the world gain the guts and courage they long for. No more will they have to hide from their own shadows or jump at any loud sounds.
I vow to train the uncouth alley cats of the land the ways of a proper house cat. No more wailing at the moon or meowing for scraps. No more late night dumpster dives at the 24 hour fast food joints.
My loyal followers, the future of the cat nation rests in your hands. I implore you remember to vote Fuzzbucket in '08. Tang, you just can't trust him.
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