Love is in the air

Ah, another Valentine's Day is upon us. A day I believe was invented solely to depress those of us without significant others. Some of you might say, "But you have Tang and he loves you with all his kitty heart." To those people I point out, Tang is about as useful to me as a screen door on a submarine. That boy is about as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb. His mind is in neutral while his body is in gear. I think he snuck into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching. How could I ever learn to love a cat who can't even figure out how to open a cracked door? Honestly, who head butts a door that opens towards them expecting to get out of the room? Why can't he learn to use his paws to pull things open? It's not like I don't show him how to do it everyday. Because my Valentine dating pool currently consists only of Tang, I have taken it upon myself to scour the internet dating sites for potential mates. Here are some that seem promising.


Gentle Tom cat seeks compassionate mate that comes from a home where manners count more than mousing. Enjoys naps on the couch, snuggles, and tuna flakes.

Former Rock-star seeks tidy lady with experience in grooming. Enjoys rocking out, chasing birds, and partaking in the nip on occasion. Loud purr-ers a plus.

















Daredevil, enjoys living life on the edge, seeks untamed female to frolic and explore with. Will help keep land free of children, dogs, rabbits and other cats. Will contribute towards meals.



















Hopefully I'll be able to get a response soon. A lady as beautiful as myself deserves a romantic dinner with an intelligent mate on Valentine's Day. Someone has to save me from Tang. I don't want a repeat of last year's Valentine's Day dinner. There couldn't be anything less romantic than sharing a bowl of milk with the little pip squeak.