SNOW!

So today my humans surprised me with a special treat. I believe it is because they feel guilty about the fact they are leaving me for the week. Anyway, they were super sweet and surprised me with my favorite weather phenomenon, SNOW! They went all out for me this time. We ended up with about a foot of snow today. One of my humans even let me go out and play in it. At first it is hard to get used to walking in it because it is so cold and deep, but eventually I got the hang of it.

Sadly my friends, I will not be keeping up my blog for the next week. My humans do not trust me enough to allow me access to the internet while they are not home. It's not like I'm going to download kitty porn. Oh well, I don't pay the bills. 'Till next week.

What is this thing called vacation?

So I hear my humans talking about something called vacation. What is this vacation and how can I get myself one? I could definitely use a break from this monotony. Heck, I could also use a break from Tang. The humans are getting warm weather clothes from out of the closet. Maybe I can stow away in one of their bags, I do love the warm weather. I must start brain storming my big escape. If you have any ideas as to how I can involve myself in my human's vacation plans do drop me a line.

Mr. Toblerone

Dear Mr. Toblerone,

I very much appreciate your advances and look forward to enjoying such delectable treasures as Kobe beef and beluga caviar. However, tonight I must postpone such advances.
Tonight, I remind you, we can witness something I haven't yet seen in my short life; a lunar eclipse. I will be glued to the window soaking in every last moment. I hope you understand.

Until next time,

Fuzzbucket

I'm the one for you

Dear Fuzzbucket,

I came across your ad posted on ivyleaguekitties.com and believe we have much in common. I too enjoy the finer things in life. I love the taste of fresh caviar paired with tuna sashimi in a cat grass, lemon reduction sauce. I know an exquisite little establishment where we can sample such a delicious meal.

If you decide fish isn't what you crave, my friend Fuzzy Bunnykins is the main taster for The Fuzzy Whisker Treat Company. It is a posh, up and coming, private, organic ingredients only home town operation. He said he can hook us up with a private tasting. I hear they are trying out a new flavor, Kobe beef with Imperial Beluga Caviar. If we play our cards right, we may even be able to take home the collector edition, jewel encrusted treat box.

Hopefully, you will accept my offer for a lovely evening. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely yours,

Toblerone aka Toby

What is this garbage?

Are there no reputable, successful cats out there anymore? I go away for the weekend and all I come home to are messages left by alley cats and scaredy cats?!? What is this world coming to? What this poor showing in viable dating candidates proves to me is the feline race needs a new strong leader.

I reiterate for you my fellow furry friends, I am the answer to all your dreams. I promise to help the scaredy cats of the world gain the guts and courage they long for. No more will they have to hide from their own shadows or jump at any loud sounds.

I vow to train the uncouth alley cats of the land the ways of a proper house cat. No more wailing at the moon or meowing for scraps. No more late night dumpster dives at the 24 hour fast food joints.

My loyal followers, the future of the cat nation rests in your hands. I implore you remember to vote Fuzzbucket in '08. Tang, you just can't trust him.

Day 2 of letting the telephone ring

::Ring::Ring::
Thanks for calling Fuzzbucket's domain where Fuzzy rules and everyone else drools. No one's here to take your call at the moment. Please leave me a message after the tone.
::BEEEEEEP::
Um...h-h-hel..hello...? This is Piddles Pete calling, I...um...found your add thingy on hotkittydates.com. You sound like a strong woman. I was...um...well...I was kinda wondering if you'd want to maybe go out for some food with me sometime. I know a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant called the Cat's in the Ladle that has great chicken teryaki. My friend Smudge used to live there. He showed it to me once. Hmmm...I wonder whatever happened to him....come to think of it, I haven't seen his roomates Skittles and Chance for a while either. Oh well, I bet they're safe somewhere, that store owner always seemed happy to see them around. Anyway, if you're interested, and get a chance, maybe you can give me a call back...yeah...well...um...ok...bye.

The phone is ringing and no one's home...

::Ring::Ring::
Thanks for calling Fuzzbucket's domain where Fuzzy rules and everyone else drools. No one's here to take your call at the moment. Please leave me a message after the tone.
::BEEEEEEP::
Hello, this is Sunkist Stinkypaws calling. I'm responding to your personal add listed on catdates.com. I'm a reformed alley cat looking for someone to teach me the ways of a house cat. If you're interested, meow back at me.

Let the woo-ing begin...

So last night I got a call back from Mr. Fuzzyboots the former rock star famous for such classics as Eye of the Toyger, Kitty Be Good, and the unforgettable 1995 remix of 99 Baggies of Catnip on the Wall.
We had a romantic meal of tuna tar tar, cat grass salad, and a bowl of sweet cat milk for dessert. The night ended with snuggles on the couch while watching my favorite movie, The Aristocats. Though I enjoyed the events of the night, I found Mr. Fuzzyboots to be a little too self involved for my liking.
First off, he consistently referred to himself in the third person. There are only so many times you can hear, "Mr. Fuzzyboots likes to get skritcheled behind the ears." Another thing, after we finished the movie, Mr. Fuzzyboots regurgitated up a couple of rather large fur balls. Now I know there are many felines who pride themselves on the size of their fur balls. And apparently Mr. Fuzzyboots was particularly proud of this particular pair because he kept saying, "Mr. Fuzzyboots now has the biggest balls on the block."
I'm not sure who he is competing with, but the whole situation disgusted me. I think we'll just have to take Mr. Fuzzyboots out of the dating pool. Thanks for the nice dinner and a movie, but I'm a more refined feline than you are used to.

Mr. Fuzzyboots is undressing you with his eyes.

Love is in the air

Ah, another Valentine's Day is upon us. A day I believe was invented solely to depress those of us without significant others. Some of you might say, "But you have Tang and he loves you with all his kitty heart." To those people I point out, Tang is about as useful to me as a screen door on a submarine. That boy is about as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb. His mind is in neutral while his body is in gear. I think he snuck into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching. How could I ever learn to love a cat who can't even figure out how to open a cracked door? Honestly, who head butts a door that opens towards them expecting to get out of the room? Why can't he learn to use his paws to pull things open? It's not like I don't show him how to do it everyday. Because my Valentine dating pool currently consists only of Tang, I have taken it upon myself to scour the internet dating sites for potential mates. Here are some that seem promising.


Gentle Tom cat seeks compassionate mate that comes from a home where manners count more than mousing. Enjoys naps on the couch, snuggles, and tuna flakes.

Former Rock-star seeks tidy lady with experience in grooming. Enjoys rocking out, chasing birds, and partaking in the nip on occasion. Loud purr-ers a plus.

















Daredevil, enjoys living life on the edge, seeks untamed female to frolic and explore with. Will help keep land free of children, dogs, rabbits and other cats. Will contribute towards meals.



















Hopefully I'll be able to get a response soon. A lady as beautiful as myself deserves a romantic dinner with an intelligent mate on Valentine's Day. Someone has to save me from Tang. I don't want a repeat of last year's Valentine's Day dinner. There couldn't be anything less romantic than sharing a bowl of milk with the little pip squeak.

I feel old...

So I was snooping around in my human's photo files and found some kitty pictures she took at the local animal shelter. Let me tell you, I have always felt pretty good about my stunning looks, but these young cats gave me a slight complex. I don't think I was ever as cute as some of these little buggers. Boy does all this depress me. Maybe I'm just feeling down because my birthday is fast approaching. Yes my friends, on March 17th I will be the big T-H-R-E-E. Can you believe it? When I was just a little kitten in the shelter, I never dreamed I'd even make it to one. Well time to clean up, I need to do something to compete with those little flea bags.

No room for humans

I have moved my pillow into my humans bed and have now made a habit out of sleeping under the covers. Why wouldn't I choose to sleep between two 98.6 degree bed warmers? Sometimes the blankets do build up static electricity on my fur, but that just makes me sparkle brighter than usual. I love to build up the charge and use the power against tang. He's no match for my zappy paws.

Brrrr it's cold out there...

My goodness it is cold outside today! I can hear the wind howling and the shutters banging. I must inform my humans they need to work on insulating some parts of the house because i swear I feel the wind blowing inside the house. Today I didn't even bother whining to go out there, I don't need to freeze my paws off. Even my fur coat is no match for bitter cold mixed with 40 mph winds. Maybe I can convince Tang to run out the door, I bet a Tang-sicle could be quite tasty. Well it's time for me to snuggle up and try to get some sleep. Stay warm out there my fur less friends.

I smell a mutt...

My humans seem to have befriended a horrible beast. He goes by the name of Oliver, I call him stinky mutt breath. He slobbers, smells, barks and always has a dumb dog look on his face. Did I mention he smells?
How can my humans allow this beast on our property? He disrupts the natural order of things. I thought Tang was the worst creature on this earth until I met this mutt. Look at him sit in front of MY door, playing with MY humans. I would love to sharpen my claws on his face, if only my humans would give me the chance. I almost had him once, damn cat leash holding me back.
You better run you stinky mutt, once I get out of this leash, your face is mine!

Sleeping near the enemy

It seems no matter what I do I just can't shake Tang. No matter where I am, or what time of day it is, if I look over my shoulder he's always there. Maybe it is my alluring personality, or maybe it is because he realized my natural ability to seduce the humans to do my bidding and wants to steal my secrets. All I know is the boy is stuck on me like skunk stink in fur. Most of the day I am able to avoid his pursuit, but he is a sneaky little bugger who sidles up on me while I sleep. Until I am able to convince the authorities I require a restraining order against Tang, I guess I'm stuck sharing my personal space with him. ::ugh::

Roll, roll, roll on the stone

I don't know what it is about stone, but the stuff just makes me feel good. I can't control myself. When I come near it something comes over me. I loose all control of my body and just have to roll. It's an involuntary action. I can control it about as much as I can control a sneeze, blink, or hiccup.

If anyone can help me with this problem please contact me as soon as possible. Thanks!

Spring is in the air

It is February 7th but it feels like early April today. The birds are chirping, chipmunks running, and the grass is growing. Lucky for me, my human opened the front door and allowed me some time to frolic in the fresh air.

Boy how I have missed fresh grass. My humans try to appease me by bringing in that cat grass stuff, but nothing compares to the real thing. Oh how I pine for summer. I miss the bugs and birds. I can't wait for the warm months to be back again.

Not amused...

What are the members of this household thinking?!? Tang and I are in a dead heat for the nomination of our feline party, the DemoCATS. How can they not see I am the optimal candidate for the job? Tang seems to be winning the kitten vote and the orange vote. I seem to be doing well with the Queen vote, and the calico vote. I need to get back to the drawing board and figure out how to sway Tang's followers. I think my humans have some treats hidden in a cookie jar on the shelf, I think I'll use those to help me with the kitten vote. This race isn't over! I'm the cat who wears the pant suits in this household! Tang, you just can't trust him. Fuzzbucket '08.

Voting and wating

So today is the day. The forecast was for rain so I put my overcoat on and raced to the polls to cast my vote.I was able to stay at the polling station for long enough to sway a few stray's opinions about why they should vote for me over Tang. Now comes the hard part, the waiting. I hear polls close shortly. We will have a better idea of where to go from here in the morning. On that note i leave you with a very majestic pose.

Super Tuesday...

The campaign has started to take a turn for the worse. Scandalous pictures from my past have been surfacing and when taken out of context make it seem like I at one point in my life was in bed with the enemy. I assure you my loyal followers, I have never enjoyed Tang's company nor have I ever agreed with his views on human and cat relations. The picture I place before you is a scam. Tang was planted with me while I slept in the sun one lovely afternoon.
What you don't see here is what happened to Tang once I fully awoke and realized what was going on. My loyal followers, on this, the eve of the cat house primaries, please listen when I say there is no place in this house for Tang. His campaign is mudslinging and using cheap tricks to forward his drive for the presidency. He wants to distract us from the fact that he is young and inexperienced. Just because we have never had an orange president before doesn't mean we have to cut him some slack. I guarantee I am the cat for the job. Ignore cheap tricks and photographic lies. Vote for me tomorrow. Tang, you can't trust him. Fuzzbucket '08.

Let's go Eagles!

E-A-G-L-E-S.....EAGLES! Oh, the biggest game of the year my Eagles are going to win this.....the shrimp cocktail has been served and diced for me, the chicken wings laid out in my bowl...the day couldn't get much better unless Donovan leads my team to a vic...... huh?.....are you kidding me?!? The Eagles didn't make it this year?!?What the (insert choice expletive here)?!?! What is the point in watching tonight if the Eagles aren't in the mix? This news just makes me want to fight!I could be watching animal planet's puppy bowl with the kitty half time show. I should try out for that halftime show next year. Have you ever seen a more beautiful feline than myself?If my Eagles aren't in the game this year, I suppose the best I can do this year is try to block all the action. Here you go humans, try to see through this! At least I get to look at Tom Brady for a few hours. Humans, you are lucky this time. Next year I expect the Eagles. Tom Brady can't make up for your short comings all the time.

Lazy weekend...

This is the life. No projects to oversee, no alarms blaring, no stress in sight. Another weekend is upon us. It's time to slow down, stretch out, and relax in the sun.

Tang is especially enjoying his day. I have decided that the weekends are a time for peace. No territorial tiffs, no stealing of food, and no campaign mud slinging will take place on weekends from this moment on.
I'm going to enjoy the rest of my lazy Caturday. I'll catch you all tomorrow for the Super Bowl. Until then, have a nice rest.

Put your Fuzz in a box...

Have any of you ever realized just how much fun a box can be? Why do humans throw these things out?!? When I was a little kitten, I couldn't wait for my humans to go to the place they call the grocery store. They would come home with very fun crunchy bags and all the boxes a kitten could want. It was like my birthday and Catmas all rolled into one. Now that I'm running for the Presidency, I'm not wasting my time frolicking carefree through piles of paper and boxes. However, I will say, if elected I will guarantee all the free boxes and bags a cat could ever want. This guarantee of course excludes Tang because as we learned the other day, he disregards the cat code and therefore no longer fully qualifies as one of us. Tang, you just can't trust him. Fuzzbucket '08.