SNOW!

So today my humans surprised me with a special treat. I believe it is because they feel guilty about the fact they are leaving me for the week. Anyway, they were super sweet and surprised me with my favorite weather phenomenon, SNOW! They went all out for me this time. We ended up with about a foot of snow today. One of my humans even let me go out and play in it. At first it is hard to get used to walking in it because it is so cold and deep, but eventually I got the hang of it.

Sadly my friends, I will not be keeping up my blog for the next week. My humans do not trust me enough to allow me access to the internet while they are not home. It's not like I'm going to download kitty porn. Oh well, I don't pay the bills. 'Till next week.

What is this thing called vacation?

So I hear my humans talking about something called vacation. What is this vacation and how can I get myself one? I could definitely use a break from this monotony. Heck, I could also use a break from Tang. The humans are getting warm weather clothes from out of the closet. Maybe I can stow away in one of their bags, I do love the warm weather. I must start brain storming my big escape. If you have any ideas as to how I can involve myself in my human's vacation plans do drop me a line.

Mr. Toblerone

Dear Mr. Toblerone,

I very much appreciate your advances and look forward to enjoying such delectable treasures as Kobe beef and beluga caviar. However, tonight I must postpone such advances.
Tonight, I remind you, we can witness something I haven't yet seen in my short life; a lunar eclipse. I will be glued to the window soaking in every last moment. I hope you understand.

Until next time,

Fuzzbucket

I'm the one for you

Dear Fuzzbucket,

I came across your ad posted on ivyleaguekitties.com and believe we have much in common. I too enjoy the finer things in life. I love the taste of fresh caviar paired with tuna sashimi in a cat grass, lemon reduction sauce. I know an exquisite little establishment where we can sample such a delicious meal.

If you decide fish isn't what you crave, my friend Fuzzy Bunnykins is the main taster for The Fuzzy Whisker Treat Company. It is a posh, up and coming, private, organic ingredients only home town operation. He said he can hook us up with a private tasting. I hear they are trying out a new flavor, Kobe beef with Imperial Beluga Caviar. If we play our cards right, we may even be able to take home the collector edition, jewel encrusted treat box.

Hopefully, you will accept my offer for a lovely evening. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely yours,

Toblerone aka Toby

What is this garbage?

Are there no reputable, successful cats out there anymore? I go away for the weekend and all I come home to are messages left by alley cats and scaredy cats?!? What is this world coming to? What this poor showing in viable dating candidates proves to me is the feline race needs a new strong leader.

I reiterate for you my fellow furry friends, I am the answer to all your dreams. I promise to help the scaredy cats of the world gain the guts and courage they long for. No more will they have to hide from their own shadows or jump at any loud sounds.

I vow to train the uncouth alley cats of the land the ways of a proper house cat. No more wailing at the moon or meowing for scraps. No more late night dumpster dives at the 24 hour fast food joints.

My loyal followers, the future of the cat nation rests in your hands. I implore you remember to vote Fuzzbucket in '08. Tang, you just can't trust him.

Day 2 of letting the telephone ring

::Ring::Ring::
Thanks for calling Fuzzbucket's domain where Fuzzy rules and everyone else drools. No one's here to take your call at the moment. Please leave me a message after the tone.
::BEEEEEEP::
Um...h-h-hel..hello...? This is Piddles Pete calling, I...um...found your add thingy on hotkittydates.com. You sound like a strong woman. I was...um...well...I was kinda wondering if you'd want to maybe go out for some food with me sometime. I know a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant called the Cat's in the Ladle that has great chicken teryaki. My friend Smudge used to live there. He showed it to me once. Hmmm...I wonder whatever happened to him....come to think of it, I haven't seen his roomates Skittles and Chance for a while either. Oh well, I bet they're safe somewhere, that store owner always seemed happy to see them around. Anyway, if you're interested, and get a chance, maybe you can give me a call back...yeah...well...um...ok...bye.

The phone is ringing and no one's home...

::Ring::Ring::
Thanks for calling Fuzzbucket's domain where Fuzzy rules and everyone else drools. No one's here to take your call at the moment. Please leave me a message after the tone.
::BEEEEEEP::
Hello, this is Sunkist Stinkypaws calling. I'm responding to your personal add listed on catdates.com. I'm a reformed alley cat looking for someone to teach me the ways of a house cat. If you're interested, meow back at me.