I think I'm going to be sick

My humans put me to work today. They said if I want to remain flower girl in the upcoming wedding, I had to start helping out. I saw where they were coming from so I acquiesced. Little did I know their task of the day could potentially give me liver cancer in 3 years.

They had me licking envelopes all day for the bridal shower. I don't think a cat's system was designed to handle that amount of toxic glue. To make matters worse, they greased up the back of my neck with a horrific poison they claim will protect me from fleas and ticks. If poisoning me is your way of "protecting" me, you guys have some screws loose! Let's see if I even live to see the wedding at this rate.

Yay, I have a fan...

Thank you "Flag" for posting a comment yesterday! It makes me happy to know people are actually reading my frivolous drivel. Though I have met you before "Flag", and know your real name, I will respect your anonymity. You can never be too careful on the internet these days. By the way, I enjoy your blog very much, kudos. Your writing obviously puts mine to shame, but hey, I'm just a cat.

I have petitioned my humans for a release to this place you call "DC." It sounds like a glorious retreat. Do the mice really roam free? I haven't had many free range mice in my life. My humans tend to steal them away from me before I can devour them. The mice I'm most familiar with come from a plastic box and smell like cat nip. Not too shabby, but nothing compares to a fresh meal.

I am also a huge fan of this torture chamber you have set up for the mice. Do they die a slow painful death? I truly hope so. I most enjoy mice when they squeak and squeal.

I've found they don't like it when you use your claws. I sharpen mine just for that occasion. Tang has mastered walking around the house with them in his mouth. I don't like this method, the mice play dead, mice are no fun playing dead. Dead mice squeak no tales.

A vacation from The Orange Menace can not come soon enough. A break from him might help defer some of the negative publicity our recent snuggle incident spurred. Hopefully my humans will get back to me soon regarding my requested leave. Until then, I will dream of this paradise land of D.C.

Time to get the bikini body...

The trees are budding and the frogs are peeping. All this new outdoor growth and fresh new life have reminded me the bikini season is approaching quickly. It's time I whipped myself into shape. My belly has been hanging quite low to the floor lately.

What's a svelte kitten like myself to do? Well, if you must ask, I have taken to 10 reps of stairs every 12 hours for starters. Later I plan on incorporating sprints, and eventually long runs into my repertoire. I may use Tang as a chasing partner, but right now, I think it's best I leave him out of my plans. It's bad enough I was caught sidling up to him yesterday. I think it would be best if we lay low to minimize the gossip for now.

Here's to a new spring/summer season. I hope I can get in shape in time!

Sometimes you just need a friend...

I have reached an all time low. In a desperate and lonely moment in my life, I participated in an unspeakable act. I am sad to report and very much embarrassed to admit, I have been caught partaking in a snuggle with my arch nemesis, Tang.

There are many excuses I can offer for my actions, but none seem to justify the lewd and corrupt behavior I displayed on this sad day. All I can do, my loyal fans, is offer my sincerest apologies. I assure you that this was a one time occurrence, it was a moment of weakness for which I am extremely sorry.


Since I'm not the most eloquent, I'm going to use excerpts from a speech given by my buddy Elliot Spitzer to get my overall message across.

"Over the next few days I promise to atone for my private failings. The remorse I feel will always be with me. I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me. To all those who believed in what I tried to stand for, I sincerely apologize."

I hope the voters in the upcoming election will be able to overlook this indiscretion. I hope they will be able to recognize my principles are separate and far superior than Tang's, and that this display of weakness will never again be repeated. I am not in bed with the enemy, but sometimes a snuggle is just what you need.

Justice has not been served

I am currently mourning the loss of my feather wand. Seeing that you, my followers are a bunch of just that, followers, I have received no encouragement or suggestions as to how I can pay Tang back. From time to time it would be nice to receive some input. I am just a cat, I don't have all the answers. That is why I keep the comment section open.

As for crusty mouse, he has gone into hiding. I think Tang has found a safe hiding space for him until all this drama passes. He knows he needs to watch his back. If I find that mouse, I will pull each crusty fur out of his back one by one. That will give Tang a taste of his own medicine.

Have you ever smelled Heaven with the feathers?

Attention my followers, I have some bad news. Tang has officially ruined my favorite play toy. My feather wand has been plucked clean. How can he be so disrespectful? I have never messed with his prized possession "crusty mouse."

At first Tang tried to deny his part in the feather wand destruction, but the pictures tell the whole story.

Look at him, so brazenly chomping on the feathers, like he owns them. He makes me sick! I'm going to take crusty mouse and teach Tang a lesson. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I'll make him pay. If anyone has any ideas please post them below.
I hope he chokes on those feathers. That might make this whole situation a little better. I hate Tang.

Sympathy pains

Here I sit writhing in pain, clutching my abdomen with my paws as if it will take away the discomfort and stop the heaving I can't seem to control.

Hello all, I myself am feeling well, however, the same can not be said for one of my human keepers. I am trying to have sympathy and imagine how she must feel, hence my act noted in the picture above. Honestly, I think she is just faking it. I believe she is just looking for a cover story so she has an excuse to play with the water in that water bowl they call a toilet. Boy that water bowl is fun.


Most of the time they save it all for themselves, but periodically they accidentally leave it open and that is when I have my fun. Today was one of those lucky days for me. My human, being in her "sick" state, must have forgotten to close the lid, so it was party time.

Today I was able to test the buoyancy of my various toys. Fuzzy mouse sinks while my rubber ball floats. Maybe later I can lure Tang in and see how he fares. I'm hoping he's a sinker and that I can get the lid to close on him. Oh, that would be the day. Then all I'd have to figure out is how those humans make the water disappear. I'm thinking it has something to do with that silver handle, I'll have to test it out.